What brand of dog is that?
I don't always jump out of the bed like a ninja in the middle of the night, but when I do it's because my dog is about to throw up on the carpet.
Cereal is like breakfast soup.
You know what really grinds my gears? When people walk into my room with the door closed and walk out without shutting it.
We are a same-sex couple, the housekeeper can't sort out our laundry.